Payal Chakraborty
Before working at the New Orleans Family Justice Center, I felt so distanced from the two words, “domestic violence.” I always knew that domestic violence was a serious public health issue across the world, but it was something that never seemed relevant to my own personal life. As I went through a total of 24 hours of domestic violence training, I quickly learned that the issue of intimate partner violence is not just characterized by physical abuse and sexual assault. There is a wide range of other factors, such as verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse, as well as other manipulative tactics abusers use to gain power over their partners, which can escalate over time to endanger the life of the victim. I thought back to my own interactions with my friends and other people I care deeply about, and realized that interpersonal violence was much more prevalent around me than I had expected. I was just blind to it.
My own lack of awareness prior to the training is reflected in the awareness of a striking number of people, even among victims and abusers themselves. One of the reasons why domestic violence persists is that many people, like myself, have not received instruction on healthy relationships and early signs of abuse from a young age. For example, we learned in our training that future relationship abuse can be predicted as early as the very first date. During one interview with a client, when asked how she was asked out on her first date, she said, “I didn’t even want to go out with him. I just said ‘yes’ so that he would stop asking me.” As she described her first date, she said that her partner had planned everything (the movie, the restaurant, etc.) without asking for her opinion. She thought it was “cute” that he had planned everything, without considering that the manner in which he had asked her out, and the way he planned the date may have been early signs of control. As the client explained the first few weeks of her relationship with her partner, she said that he made her feel guilty about spending time with her friends by saying how much he missed her when she wasn’t with him. The client saw this as a sign of affection, and spent less and less time with her friends and family, not realizing that she was isolating herself from her other loved ones. As her partner became more and more abusive, she had no one to go to for help.
If people are taught how to detect signs of abuse early on in a relationship, domestic violence can be prevented. When people come to the Family Justice Center for help, they have generally reached the point where it is very difficult to leave a relationship, i.e. children enter the picture, they develop financial dependence on their partner, etc. Therefore, it is extremely important to teach people about relationship violence from the age they begin to form relationships. My training has helped me realize that addressing teen dating violence is essential for long-term prevention of domestic violence, and this is where my role comes in: I have been working with the school system in New Orleans to develop and implement a comprehensive school policy on adolescent relationship violence, to provide victims of abuse with resources and accommodations, teach potential victims about early signs of abuse, and teach potential abusers about what it means to respect their partners.
Everyday, I learn more about the issue of teen dating violence, and everyday, I become more and more passionate about the work I am doing here in New Orleans. The project I am working is pretty grand in scope, and I have already faced various challenges as I have been continuing to move forward. However, so far, working at the Family Justice Center has been a great learning experience, as I have never done work to address policy before. I really hope that by the end of the next six weeks, I will have a lasting impact on how relationship violence is addressed in the schools of Orleans Parish, and hopefully, this work can be continued in the Family Justice Center after I leave to eventually impact the state department of education, and reach the entire population of Louisiana.
My own lack of awareness prior to the training is reflected in the awareness of a striking number of people, even among victims and abusers themselves. One of the reasons why domestic violence persists is that many people, like myself, have not received instruction on healthy relationships and early signs of abuse from a young age. For example, we learned in our training that future relationship abuse can be predicted as early as the very first date. During one interview with a client, when asked how she was asked out on her first date, she said, “I didn’t even want to go out with him. I just said ‘yes’ so that he would stop asking me.” As she described her first date, she said that her partner had planned everything (the movie, the restaurant, etc.) without asking for her opinion. She thought it was “cute” that he had planned everything, without considering that the manner in which he had asked her out, and the way he planned the date may have been early signs of control. As the client explained the first few weeks of her relationship with her partner, she said that he made her feel guilty about spending time with her friends by saying how much he missed her when she wasn’t with him. The client saw this as a sign of affection, and spent less and less time with her friends and family, not realizing that she was isolating herself from her other loved ones. As her partner became more and more abusive, she had no one to go to for help.
If people are taught how to detect signs of abuse early on in a relationship, domestic violence can be prevented. When people come to the Family Justice Center for help, they have generally reached the point where it is very difficult to leave a relationship, i.e. children enter the picture, they develop financial dependence on their partner, etc. Therefore, it is extremely important to teach people about relationship violence from the age they begin to form relationships. My training has helped me realize that addressing teen dating violence is essential for long-term prevention of domestic violence, and this is where my role comes in: I have been working with the school system in New Orleans to develop and implement a comprehensive school policy on adolescent relationship violence, to provide victims of abuse with resources and accommodations, teach potential victims about early signs of abuse, and teach potential abusers about what it means to respect their partners.
Everyday, I learn more about the issue of teen dating violence, and everyday, I become more and more passionate about the work I am doing here in New Orleans. The project I am working is pretty grand in scope, and I have already faced various challenges as I have been continuing to move forward. However, so far, working at the Family Justice Center has been a great learning experience, as I have never done work to address policy before. I really hope that by the end of the next six weeks, I will have a lasting impact on how relationship violence is addressed in the schools of Orleans Parish, and hopefully, this work can be continued in the Family Justice Center after I leave to eventually impact the state department of education, and reach the entire population of Louisiana.